Let me be clear, I’ve never not worked. I left teaching when my second child was five months old but I’ve had some manner of job ever since. I’ve hustled my ass off at various freelance gigs from writing to teaching to selling everything from lipsticks to lanyards. Through all of this though, I have set my hours, which means with rare exception, I didn’t have to leave the house until after my kids were safely deposited at school almost every day.
Now, I’m out the door with them each morning so while they’re dressing and eating and packing bags, I’m doing the same; along with feeding the dog, tying shoes, combing hair, laying out dinner and cleaning the kitchen so our babysitter doesn’t think we’re slobs when she arrives in the afternoon.
Needless to say, I’ve much less time to handle situations that may arise in the morning. For example, when The Middle One says (as I’m walking out of the room to put my coat on) “Do you know there are pictures of naked breasts in some magazines?”.
What. The. Heck???
Wait, it gets better.
When I ask what magazines and what they were using said magazines for, The Baby chimes in, (in his most conspiratorial voice)
“What if it’s the bunny in the sunglasses. Was it the bunny in the sunglasses?”
My first thought? Bunny in sunglasses, what television show is he quoting now?
My second thought? Oh, Buuunny Innn Sunnnnglasses.
What the heck do I address first, my Middle One cropping semi-porn for an art project collage or how my youngest knows about freakin’ PLAYBOY?!?!?
I quickly addressed the art project issue and ignored the Playboy reference. A lady can only handle so much before morning coffee and still be on time for school.
All this happened between 7:43 and 7:46 am.
Then, when they were safely deposited at the school that may be teaching them about boobs, I said a little prayer:
Hey Man, (yeah, sometimes I call Him, “Man”) I’m trying to do your work at my work. Maybe tomorrow you could make it a bit easier to get there?
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