Then one day life got away from me and I picked up my daughter in the same clothes(Gasp!) I was wearing when I dropped her off.
- Step One: Shower at gym and pull clothes onto my sticky body-because you never REALLY dry in a gym locker room.
- Step Two: Leave with no makeup and wet hair-because you are so close to re-sweat that you can’t risk streaky makeup or a dreaded blow dryer and you convince yourself that the natural post-treadmill flush and Robert Palmer girl slicked back bun is an OK look.
- Step Three:Come home to finish makeup and decide to blow dry because RP bun is not so slick anymore and is looking like squirrel’s nest.
- Step Four: Remember you don’t have central AC and your bathroom is hotter than the locker-room.
- Step Five: Blast bedroom AC, run back to blow dry (rapidly) hair then run to bedroom with makeup so AC can nip blow dry sweat in the bud.
- Step Six: Set up makeup case at precarious tilt on bed, cross legs and attempt to apply eyeliner with right hand while holding compact mirror in left.
- Step Six-A:Smear eyeliner across cheek when two year old grabs “mommy’s shoe?” and jerks said crossed leg which causes arm holding eyeliner to jump up cheek. Thank God you are not blinded.
- Step Six-B: Chase two year old who has gotten hold of mascara wand and is running dangerously close to white (rental house) walls.
- Step Six-C: admonish two year old (because that works). Grab mascara and try again.
- Step Seven:realize you have minutes before you are late to school pick up so try to straighten Brillo like (badly blown out)curly hair in less than desirable time which means you’ll just wrap whole damn mess in a ponytail.
- Step Eigh: Notice you have mineral makeup dust all over shirt. Try to dust off. Now have mineral makeup smear all over shirt.
- Step Nine: Measure “late put-together mother” against “on-time crazy looking mother”. Decide teachers hate late more than crazy-so dash out the door looking like the lady on the corner who talks to herself yet pushes adorable blond boys in fancy double stroller.
- Step Nine-A: Pray to God everyone notices cute blond boys instead of crazy corner lady.
- Step Ten: Weigh working out against looking good. Discover to dismay that damn-they can’t be mutually exclusive.
P.S. If you are looking for parenting guidance, to heal through mind-body services or simply need someone to listen, you're in the right place. You can learn more by visiting my Counseling & Coaching site .