Lessons I Never Thought I’d Teach

Kayaking-now that’s a normal lesson to teach.

As I felt little hands on my bum and had to remind my five year old today that while hugs are ok, one can’t “put your hands up a lady’s dress to hug” I was struck by the bizarre nature of that particular lesson. I knew as a parent there would be teachable moments. When I was first pregnant,  as a teacher of various age groups and thus various strange lessons, I figured I was prepared for what was ahead.

Ha!

I wasn’t. I’m amazed nearly every day by some of the things I took for granted as common sense before I had kids. Here is a list of a few recent lessons I’ve had to teach. (And no, these aren’t just for the boys.) What are you some of yours?

1. It is not ok to bite the cat.
2. One should change their underwear more frequently than once a week.
3. One should not wear (and wash!) new pajamas every single night.
4. Legos do not come back from down the air conditioning vent. (This may have been an acceptable lesson at age 2-not at 5 and 7.)
5. People don’t like you to pick their noses for them.
6. Not everyone wants to talk openly about your bathroom habits or your private parts, especially at a restaurant.
7. While it may be relaxing while watching television, playing with your penis is not acceptable.
8. Neither is rubbing mommy’s breasts. (Again, the age thing.)
9. Strangers on the street don’t need advice about their  habits (eating, smoking, soda), even if you’re right (unless they’re your clients of course. Then advise away.)
10. Kids sometimes just lose the fight, even if they make a good argument. That’s how parents roll.