Dear Faith,
Today when you collapsed on the kitchen floor in tears because you forgot your homework folder at school, what I did was get right down, scoop you up and hold you as long as it took to convince you that it was ok-mistakes are what life is all about. That is how we learn. That is what I said to you through your tears.
What I wanted to say, scream more like, was, “No. No. No. Please don’t inherit this from me!”because I learned way too late that mistakes are alright and I don’t want that for you.
My wish for you, Heart of my Heart, is that your desire to do it all right the first time doesn’t inhibit you from living a full life and most importantly-from feeling good about yourself and what you can do.
See, you are good at most things. You are smart and talented and kind. You often try new things and can do them right away-if not perfect, then pretty good. Better than most.
What happens then is when you meet a challenge; when something is less than easy-you want to stop. You want to move on to another activity, or different people-anything that doesn’t hurt so much.
I know this too well. I learned to ride my bike in sixth grade. I rode it once-in second grade-without training wheels, and fell. Once. I fell once. Then I put it away and didn’t take it out again until I was invited to a bike riding party in sixth grade and was too proud to not show up.
I missed a lot of bike riding adventures because I was afraid.
And then I was ashamed.
Please, please-never be ashamed.
I worked at a radio station in college once. It was very brave for me to even venture in there. I had fun and was pretty good at all the behind the scenes stuff. I learned a lot that I still love knowing today. It was a real experience that enriched my life. It was good and then it was time for me to go on air. I stopped going. The semester changed and my schedule changed, so it wasn’t like I quit (really). No one knew the real reason why I stopped. I could have worked it out so that I still had time to go to the radio station. I could have been on air. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to mess it up. I wasn’t sure I could do it right the first time. So I didn’t do it at all.
I missed a lot of fun DJ time because I was afraid. I might have missed a whole DJ life. Who knows what could have been?
I did know why I never made it on air.
And so I was ashamed.
Please-don’t do this baby girl. It is so not worth it.
Ihave learned, after enough roads not taken, that giving in to fear and feeling shame are not only useless, but they are selfish.
Yes, selfish.
You have a bright light. You can be not only good but GREAT at anything you choose.
You will make a difference in the world. I am sure of it.
You will make a difference in the world. I am sure of it.
But I am also sure that it will not be easy. You may be afraid of the road you feel your spirit leading you down. You will fall off the bike. You won’t do everything right the first or even the fifteenth time.
Please, make your mistakes and own them as the growth and the life that they are. I have found that it is the hardest part of life that fills you with the most power. The more you fall, the more you have to get up and you stand a bit taller each time.
Don’t wait until you are 35 to look in the mirror and say, “There is nothing real to fear. I can do anything I choose and I owe it to this life and all who have gone before me- to live it full.”
Please don’t wait to find your greatness.
We all will lose if you do.
Love,
Mama
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.
awesome post!
btw, i passed on the Kreativ Blogger Award to you. you can read about the award (and it's rule -lol!) on my blog at http://welcometomyplanet4.blogspot.com/2009/10/and-kreativ-blog-awards-go-to.html and dont forget to read my 'shout out' about the traveling circus! 🙂
melt.
still waiting for a mirror moment.
i hope miss faith can log on to this post.
Once again, crying at my desk at 8:00 in the morning. Here's to her getting rid of that useless Ritz (although I'm pretty sure its more a Baker) gene early in life. You've said it so perfectly, its just a waste of time. Wish I had also learned that lesson earlier in life.
And that is why we love you Miss Cathy.;)
Well said!
A little note from "Miss Cathy" to Faith:
Mistakes are what make you learn and grow. I don't care if you fall on the floor a 100 times, (In fact to be a "real" dancer you need to fall at least 500 times.)or use the wrong leg, or turn the wrong way. All I want for my aspiring ballerinas is for them to have fun and enjoy time spent in dance class. I want all the aspiring ballerinas to have an appreciation for the art of dance. I want all my aspiring ballerinas to learn and grow not only in the classroom, but also in life. And if my aspiring ballerinas never aspire to be a ballerina, that is okay because as long as you enjoyed the journey it was worth it!" Love "Miss Cathy"