No this title is not some kind of strange pregnancy announcement. In fact, The Husband and I just had a conversation (via text, as all our conversations are these days) about how, as much as I miss my babies, we are all set with the three we have and will just enjoy being aunt and uncle to babies from now on.
No, the six weeks refers to my other baby. I’m in week seven of the new job and man have we packed it full of adventure. I’ve worked more late nights and weekends than I ever imagined and everyone has had to adjust, perhaps myself the most. This is actually the reason for the text conversation about babies. I was listening to iTunes while I cranked out work yesterday and a song from The Backyardigans came into the mix. That show was on constantly for years at my house when little people were running around. I was instantly transported to my Silver Spring basement full of toddlers and babies. Let’s just say I might have wept a teensy bit at my desk.
It didn’t help that the song came on late in the day after I had just spent a few minutes frantically trading texts and emails with the cavalcade of people responsible for my children in my absence. A soccer practice time was changed. There was a first grade project I needed an extension (yes, I needed it!) and some clarity on. We had pick ups and drops off and dinner explanations for a sitter (who is literally a gift from on high) and I was overwhelmed at being absent from my kids. You can imagine what hearing a song from toddlerhood does to a girl in this situation.
I have never stopped working since I have had kids. I worked in a school for my first two and then in various self-owned business ventures after that. I have been a hustler since 2005, but it has always been with myself as boss. I knew that going back to work for another person would come with its own growing pains. I just wasn’t sure the depth of the pain. More and more I am not in control of what my kids do and when they do it. I still oversee the master calendar of their lives, but I don’t make all the magic happen anymore and sometimes that is tough. The sweet, slow days of “Mommy School” and Playhouse Disney seem pretty great right now as life zooms forward.
Coupled with this missing of my former life, is the pressure of a new job and full time graduate school. I have made all these choices, and I feel so lucky to have them, so I am not complaining. Still, I wake up nearly every morning wondering if this is the day I am going to crack. It is a lot, and while I am used to the juggling of life, this feels different and I’m not sure I can handle it for long.
Here is the good news, I love my work. I mean, really, really love it. I also love what I’m learning in school and can’t wait for that professional chapter to begin. I am also still finding some time for blogging, although not as much as I’d like. But, enough time to make me feel full for now. My kids seem to be mostly adjusting, with the exception of a few meltdowns here and there. The Husband has been patient and trying his best to pitch in as much as possible to take some heat off me.
All in all, it is going as well as it could. I just need to stop looking back and realize how good it all is right now. Also, rid my iTunes of Backyardigans’ songs. Stat.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.