It was shower time. The fact that he is taking a shower and no longer a bath is often heart-stopping in itself. Tonight though, that fact took second fiddle. He picked up a book that is the written lyrics to Danny Boy-a gift given to him by his Aunt living in Scotland when he was born.
“Mom, what’s this?”
“It’s the lyrics to a song.”
“In a book? That’s funny.”
“Yeah, in a book.”
“It has my name. Is it Danny Boy?”
“Yep, first it’s Danny Boy in English then in Gaelic, I think. Your A.M. gave it to you when you were a baby.”
“What’s this page say?”
I sing the first four lines at which time he looks up at me and says,
“That’s enough mom.” (That sound you hear is my heart crackling into a thousand pieces.)
“What you don’t like it? I used to sing it to you every night when you were a baby.”
“No you didn’t. Dad did.”
“No, I sang to you before bed.”
“Yeah, but you sang Amazing Grace.”
And instantly I’m transported to Whitmoor Terrace where I knelt night after night either reaching through crib slats or uncomfortably trying to snuggle-without crushing-on a toddler bed. I sang every night. At first I sang that song because it’s the only song I know by heart (weird huh?). Later I sang it to him because he asked for it… every night.
I forgot what I sang.
Tomorrow he will leave for a full day of kindergarten. From 7:45 until 4:00 he will be in someone else’s care. I love his school. I am thrilled for all he will learn there and I am certain they will take excellent care of my little man. But tonight my heart is broken a little bit for I wish I had just one more day to snuggle and sing to my Baby Danny Boy.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.