I remember with your sister the huge changes that Kindergarten brings. I should have been more prepared. I wasn’t. As usual, you catch me off guard. Even when you are entirely predictable, somehow you still manage to surprise me. From the minute I laid eyes on you I have been in love. You came very reluctantly into this world and yet as soon as you got here you wrapped my heart around your finger and I’ve never been able to set it free.
And yet, you have challenged me far more than the others. Your intelligence, determination and relentless pursuit of fairness can be exhausting. You question everything and demand nothing short of the truth, even if you don’t like the reason, you still want to hear it. You keep me honest and you make me a better person because I have to work within your black and white world. Now you are straddling the line between baby and boy and at times it can be tough. You don’t like straddling lines. You prefer a clear cut side.
And yet, I have watched you grow from the quick-tempered hurricane to the measured, thoughtful boy you are becoming today. You still have moments where your anger rears it’s head,and clearly now you are in a stage of life where most every day there are new boundaries to manage and life skills to learn. Even still, I watch you reason the anger down now. I watch your eyes as all that work goes on behind them, as you weigh the facts and figure out the plan with yourself to react appropriately but still achieve the desired outcome.
You have always been my little raw nerve-in all ways good and bad. For every tantrum, there are an equal amount of drive by kisses or full body hugs. You wear your emotions on your sleeve and even if it means public meltdowns, I’d never trade it because it also means you run across the school yard to throw yourself in my arms at day’s end.
What I have loved this year is watching you grow into your emotions. You do what a lot of grown ups still can’t. You manage to know what you’re feeling and you try your hardest to handle it without ruining everyone else’s good time. You are still a work in progress. But then, aren’t we all dear boy?
Your teacher told me a story the other day about you having a moment of discourse and then just saying to her, “so this is one of those things I’m just going to have to accept isn’t it?” When she answered, yes, you shrugged and got on to the business at hand. How smart. How lovely. How you. She told me proudly, “he still has moments, but we’re handling them now”. What more could we ask for? You are only five after all.
Today I am thankful for you my first boy. For almost six years you have filled my heart with joy. Now that you are a student, you fill me with daily awe.
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