Remember in college (or high school you naughty one) the game I Never? Someone said something like I’ve never done this or that thing (each progressively more crass than the last) and you drank if you couldn’t agree meaning, you actually had done whatever this thing was. I was never partial to this game. I preferred A**hole or Categories because not only am I not big on public confessions (in person anyway) but I love me some card games and I’m freakishly quick on my feet when half in the bag. Regardless of my choices, people played I Never and lately I’ve been thinking of that game a lot.
Now don’t worry, I’m not about to take this blog down the dirty drunken college road. I’m just going to give I Never a little mom twist. It has come to my attention lately that there are so many things I NEVER thought I’d do or say or think. The price of being a parent or at least a grown up I guess. So if I played a drinking game of I Never these days, it may be more humiliating than it was that one time in college.
Here are things I’d have to drink to if I played a round of Mom, I Never:
- Repeatedly utter the phrase, “please don’t pee on your brother”
- Dream of a new washing machine as the ultimate gift
- Schedule time to season frying pans
- Find exercise peaceful
- Look forward to folding clothes because it’s quiet time
- Dream of silence
- Pick someone Else’s nose
- Own a hot glue gun
- Own sensible shoes (though I actually never wear them so I still have that.)
- Not bat an eye at cleaning up various bodily fluids
- Answer questions about penis and vagina functions like it’s nothing
- Repeatedly utter the phrase, “please don’t fart on your brother”
How about you? What are your I Nevers? C’mon, share. Or else you’ll have to drink.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.