The clothes conversion always makes me weepy. You know the clothes conversion-the time of the year when you go through the drawers and closets and trade in current season clothes for future season clothes.
When you’re a parent, or at least for me, this switchover takes on a whole new meaning. Every year, twice a year, it becomes a time to reflect on my babies and all the growing they’ve done over the year.
This year I emptied out some pajamas, t-shirts and pants that have been in my house since 2005. With two boys, most of The Baby’s clothes are hand-me-downs and now that some of them are too small even for him, there were a lot of memories to sift through.
There will be no more babies in this house. I’ll never smell that sweet baby-head smell as I snuggle that warm bundle in the dark of night. No one will toddle out, thumb in mouth, blankie stuffed in one hand and ask for Cheeeos ever again. No one calls me momma anymore.
When I bought the matching Little Monster pajamas that I boxed up today, the boys were two and four. Now they’re five and seven, about to be in the same school together and the little one has outgrown the pjs that the older one wore back then. And the oldest? Well I can barely remember her not this age. They are kids now. Full fledged, sport-playing, after-school-club, test-prep kids. My babies have all been replaced.
No one warns you about these kind of growing pains. No one tells you about the ache in your heart when you do your job right and usher your babies into a world where they need you less and less. Don’t get me wrong. I love the way my family is now. I feel like we might be in our golden years as a unit. But that doesn’t mean that the reality of not having babies around doesn’t sometimes smart a little.
I’m reminded of an old friend who what seems like a million years ago had twins that were about six. One of them was having terrible hip pain and after countless doctors and hours of her worrying, it turns out the beautiful little girls just had growing pains. Her bones were growing so fast, they actually hurt. I’m reminded of that six year old because that’s how my heart feels.
The growing is happening so fast, that sometimes it actually hurts.
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