Fog Brain-Bleh

Blurry. Like My Brain.

Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s my head and chest being full of snot, but this week has me in total Eeyore mood. This doesn’t happen to me often. Actually, scratch that. This mood threatens to happen to me all the time, but I fight it like a ninja so that generally, even if the world is on fire, I maintain pretty good spirits.

But this week I’m mired and I wasn’t going to share it because that isn’t my way. I don’t use this blog as a venting post because I see no need to spread my sh** around. Every time I’m feeling a little out-of-control, I know it will be fairly short lived, so I usually just take these times for picture posts or recipes and such and then move back to the writing when the fog lifts.

I was prepared to do the same this time; share with you what I was capable of and deal with the rest of the junk in my offline time. Then I read this post by my friend Jessica about how she was having trouble writing because, essentially,  she didn’t want to share her burdens. I commented on that post and told her she should write it somewhere because I know, like me, she is a writer in her soul. What that means, for me anyway, is that if I keep my thoughts all in my head without releasing them in words, I literally can’t move.

I can’t tell you how many draft posts I have for this blog because I had to write stuff out that I knew I never actually wanted to share with anyone but I also knew if I didn’t type them out, I’d never be able to write anything authentically here again.

Maybe I'd Feel Better With This View

They are all left in draft because you all don’t need to hear every last little drama and anxiety that I play out in my over-worked brain. There is no sense sharing the negative stuff, the doubts, the anxiety, the panic,  that I feel but refuse to allow to linger. I don’t want to give it the power of shared word, but if I don’t give it any words, then it keeps all the power.

Crazy? Possibly, but what are you going to do? I’ve come to embrace my crazy and so far it’s working just fine.

So this week I’ll admit that I’m mired. I’m feeling under water with new responsibilities here and crazy decisions for this new venture and some concerns about my babes as well.  I’m mired in decisions and opportunities and concerns-most silly, but some very real. I’ve had to reevaluate priorities and shift my time around and right now the entire process has the best of me.

It won’t last long. I might even feel better as soon as I type this last word.

But I’ll hit publish anyway, because sometimes you just have to write about it.