A few years ago, I got my butt in gear and loss significant weight. I loved all the changes so much I went back to school to learn more about nutrition. Then I spent two years coaching people who changed their lives and lost incredible amounts of weight too. Unfortunately, all the while I was cheering for others, I was slowly packing on the pounds myself. About six months ago, I realized I was heading into my 40th birthday heavier than I had been in my entire life.
I’ve done some things here and there to get back to the girl I once knew, but I’ve mostly just been discouraged enough to begin concocting my own new version of truth to go along with my body. That truth included “I’ve always been big” and “Maybe plus-sized is just who I am”. I’ve been working out with a trainer, and running when not injured, but nothing was really happening physically so I started to believe these truths (and continued NOT caring what I ate.).
Then, the other day I found some old pictures in a box. When I showed my kids, they didn’t recognize me. I laughed it off, but inside I was dying. In my head, even though I see something very different in the mirror, I still am that girl from the pictures. In my head I’m still athletic and able-bodied. But the truth of now is that I’m getting older, and my weight has made me unhealthy. Also, I hate the way I look. Hate. I know, I know, I should accept myself and #lovemyselfie. All that sounds fantastic and in general I agree. You have to embrace what you have before you can get more. I believe that but embracing and myself as a person and accepting myself as a fat person are two very different things and I am over accepting life as a fat person.
That’s new for me. I was always “the big girl” in high school and college, but for some reason it never totally got me down because I was able to see myself as perfectly good enough. Sure, I wasn’t as tiny as my girlfriends and in college I was often the odd man out in pictures, slumping my shoulders to hide my chest and height. But, mostly I was ok with the way I looked then because I was still able to do anything, hike, bike, fit in borrowed clothes, all the things important to a 20 something girl. Now, it seems always I’m injured and have trouble breathing and can’t just pick up and go or wear a friend’s sweater if it gets cold without tearing the sleeves off. I always thought these things came with age, but I’ve been proven wrong time and again by the dynamic women I have around me . They are all hot, fit, mamas almost all older than I.
The real truth is, now is the time to get serious about health and fitness. No more playing around with my body thinking I have time to correct. I don’t. Time is running out. Getting fit and healthy is just going to get harder and harder while becoming more important to my longevity. I have kids who need me chasing them around for yeas to come. I can’t do that fat. I also have myself to love and so far, I can’t do that fat.
This isn’t a pity party. I am not looking for compliments. I am totally aware of the fact that I still have a decent face and can still rock a pair of red heels. All hope is not lost and I’m not hiding under my covers. Instead, I’m coming out and admitting to you all what I’ve been thinking for quite some time. Saying it out loud is terrifying, but I believe it is the step I need to take to get serious. When I put my money troubles out into the world, it was only then that I got my money in order. I’ve been so, so, so inspired by my blogger friends who have done this all in public. Perhaps public is just the push I need.
Now it’s time for my body to get in order and I can’t do that in silence. So, here I am, telling all of you that I’m fat and finished with it. Time to get back to this girl, except now I’ll hold my shoulders back with pride, no matter how short the person in the picture is with me.
I mentioned I was working out with a trainer. She is incredible and if I could bottle her and move her into my house I would. But she has a family and other clients that might mind. So, for the next ten weeks I’ve taken on another kind of trainer. I’m trying out the John Cena 10 Week Body Change Program. Yes, John Cena the professional wrestler. My kids are terribly impressed and I have to admit he’s quite soft spoken and kind when not in the ring. Also, my thigh and waist measurements were not far off his so if not looking like a pro wrestler isn’t motivation enough, I don’t know what is.
I won’t give you before pictures yet. I’m not that brave. But I have taken them and in ten weeks I hope to show you them next to some killer afters. My stretch marks will preclude any bikinis ever again (thanks babies) but they don’t mean I can’t have a flat stomach!
If you want to join me and John (My new friend) losing weight, feeling better and kicking a little a**, then just click here and sign up. We can watch Mr. Cena together each week. I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bonus. What’s hotter than a tough guy in an apron? If you just want to track my progress, (Like I do with all the fitness bloggers I
stalk ahem, follow) then check back here each week for No Fat Friday Updates.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.