I think I’m having some body-image issues. I am proud to say this is new to me. Until this weekend, I suffered from what I like to call Reverse-Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I recognize that the real Body Dysmorphic Disorder is no laughing matter but Reverse BDD is in fact cause for great joy.
See people who suffer from the real BDD are obsessed with a perceived defect in their appearance. They look in the mirror and no matter how gorgeous they are, they see hideous staring back. People lucky enough to have Reverse BDD are actually oblivious to any real defects and in fact imagine (looking in the mirror of their mind) themselves to be physically perfect.
Until this weekend-if my clothes fit me properly I saw myself as a total knockout. I know I am not thin. I never have been. Even in the prime of my life my mother described me as a big girl, but I was okay with big and strong and toned and flat. That is the body I choose to believe I still have despite three-babies worth of evidence to the contrary. At least I used to believe it.
Here was my secret-nary a mirror in my house that shows anything more than hairline to neck. Yep, not even a spot of decolletage in this house. Therefore, the only part of myself that I see on a regular basis (twice a day when I brush and pluck) is my hair (fantastic) and my face which is either a)made up quite expertly if I’m looking in a mirror or b)freshly cleansed which means my eyes have a lovely eye-makeup remover haze which makes my vision perfect for imagining objects better than they appear.
I have over the years learned to ignore the size labels in my clothes and never, ever step on a scale. You could most definitely call me fat and happy. Maybe even say zoftig, curvy, rubenesque-just happy.
That was until this weekend when I spent three days with Skinny McFitsters and lived for three nights in the home of the WALL OF MIRRORS.
That’s right, every woman that I hung around was either naturally slim, or get this… ENJOYS working out. Yes, enjoys-like “just finished up a triathlon last weekend and now I need another goal to motivate me”-enjoys or ” when are we having lunch because I’d really like to sneak in a run first.”
Bitches. (Not really. I’m actually in awe of them. If only that awe would turn to inspiration maybe I’d get my fake-thin butt of the couch and actually go to the gym I spend money on every month instead of finding every chore under the sun to do in order to avoid it.)
As if my company weren’t bad enough, I had to walk past what can only be described as the female equivalent of Gitmo Torture-an entry foyer whose wall is covered in no less than three FLOOR TO CEILING MIRRORS. Yep, that’s right-mirrors when you enter and when you leave and when you just want to hang out in the living room. There you are in all your not-as-skinny-and-cute-as-you-fooled-yourself-into-thinking-glory staring right back at you.
As if three days of reality check weren’t bad enough. I got home to have THIS plastered on facebook.
Oh that’s bad. Am I really that wide through the middle?
I think not.
I am officially over my Reverse BDD. Reality has hit home like the side of beef in that picture.
I guess it’s no more McD’s cheeseburgers and way more YMCA.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.
Crystal D says
Gym??? I totally have RBDD too!!
Yeah, right up until I spend time with size 0 friends. It is such a good thing I love those girls cause they could easily be written right out of my life for that whole size 0 thing.
OK… I guess I do have to admit that I still say "I just had a baby" way too often and she is going to have her first birthday in a couple weeks. Sigh. OK… Gym.
(but we are still totally hawt)
Cristie Ritz King says
I so didn't write this for compliments but I am not too proud to take 'em.
That is still no excuse to avoid exercise. I can feel my heard hardening.:)
pajama mom says
we can trade boobs anyday, just let me know. 😀
One Sided Momma says
okay, here's what's up. you probably spent the weekend w/women who have not yet had the privilege of having their bellies double as a full day and night spa for a fetus who later turned into a full working human the size of (if yours was like mine at all) a small tonka truck. sure there are women who manage to lose the mommy goods weeks (b#$*! es!)after leaving the hospital but guaranteed they had help in the form of nannies, trainers, or oprah.
i think you look (as crystal said in an earlier post) hawt and completely amazing, crk. i know you were focused on other things but look at that above pic again and tell me you couldn't indian wrestle kate hudson's scrawny butt to the ground? 🙂
Cristie Ritz King says
Julie-sadly I had not had too much to drink. I was just tired-so sad.
Cathy-just TODAY I went to lunch instead of the gym. You know it's bad when your kids are bugging you to go work out because they like the child care room.
I might be hopeless.:)
You are beautiful just the way you are! I'm a fan of no mirror and no scales. I have no scale and only one full length mirror (that is so distorted…or so I like to think) in my house! Although I do spend every day at work surrounded by mirrors. It's awful and it will mess with your mind! I say to hoorah for no mirrors and no scales and to everyone embracing the body they have!
PS – Except for dancing I hate working out too! I won't join a gym because I am the unmotivator! I will find any excuse (like going out to lunch/breakfast) not to go.
Aunt Julie says
You look just fine for a mom of three:) Plus when I saw the facebook picture, I really didn't think wow how wide is she, I was thinking more along the lines of "oh look mom of three taking full advantage of being out w/out kids and had a little too much to drink:)" It looked like you guys had a great time.