A few weeks ago I started a program to become certified as a Holistic Health Coach. It is something I’ve looked into for years and finally all the necessary elements of my life aligned and I closed my eyes and jumped. I couldn’t be more excited about it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary. I’ve decided on a career ladder and until now I’ve calmly waded in the pool of undecided. Now, I feel like my safety net of indecision is gone and I better man-up and make something of myself or else that’s real failure.
Last week I started running again. I mean more than one day running. I signed up for a training program and therefore can’t cheat because it’s more than just me that will know now. I have put off this commitment for years, mostly because I was lazy. I mean I could give you a million other excuses, but the bottom line is that if I wanted to run badly enough I could have made it happen. Before, the discomfort that came from being out of shape and unfit was less than the discomfort of regularly incorporating exercise into my life. Now, that is not so. It’s only been five days of working out, already I feel the change. Now, I want to run instead of staying in bed. I find myself looking forward to the 5K I have next week. I think about how to plan working out in because I don’t want to miss it, not because I have to do it. It’s not a burden, but a gift. It’s a weird feeling, this wanting to exercise. I must admit, after years of being the master of excuses, it might take a while to get used to.
Lately, I feel like a totally different person today than I was at this time last year.
Next week I will travel to San Diego to attend two different conferences, one for writing and one for the business of blogging. I am exhilarated. I say that because to me, exhilaration means both excited and terrified. Thursday, I will spend an entire day with a room full of people that identify themselves as writers. That means I’m admitting that Writer is something I want to be. I’ve never fully admitted it out loud before. That’s the terrified part.
Last year, at the blogging conference, I didn’t know enough to be scared. Overwhelmed maybe, but not scared. This year, I know there are parts that will be great fun which has me very excited. Plus, it’s San Diego which is exciting in and of itself.
Last year, I walked around ogling people I’d only seen through my laptop screen. I clung to my roommates (friends from my non-internet life) and didn’t know a soul in real life outside of them. This year, I have invitations to specific events and plans to meet up with both friends and company PR reps. It’s a strange feeling, being a part of this thing instead of just an onlooker like last year. I may have liked it better when I didn’t know anything. It’s scary when there are expectations, no matter whether they’re yours or someone else’s for you. I’ve had a few weeks of sleepless nights and nervous days. I’m worried about things I never worry about. I’m clearly anxious about what is ahead.
But guess what? I started this post with two things I’ve begun that both exhilarate me. I am still not comfortable with my new education or my new fitness regime. Maybe that’s the key-staying a little uncomfortable. Maybe that’s what makes life rich.
So instead of using the scared to find an excuse to cancel the entire trip, I’m looking forward to my week ahead-even if I am uncomfortable.
**This post was inspired by Kick in the Blog. The prompt was to write about what you would start right if you knew there was no sense in waiting. When I reflected on that, I realized the two decisions I made recently-to study health and workout, came about after years of waiting for everything to be perfect. When I finally made the decision to do them both, I realized all that waiting was just my way of being scared. Looking for things to be perfect before you start is a sure way to never start.
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