It’s funny, really, in pursuing my identity outside of motherhood I have discovered how much I love motherhood. Somehow, this year as I sent The Baby off to preschool, I was acutely aware of how precious little time I had left being the mom of a small person. I’ve sent two others off to school and relished every minute of the freedom that came with it. With this one, I dreamed of what I’d do with all those hours alone for the first time in 9 years.
Make no mistake, I have filled that time and then some. In fact, I am never finished with my to-do list by the time his pick up comes. And yet, on the days where he stays home with me still, it feels like I do nothing and everything all at once. I’m not sure it was a conscious decision but it has happened anyway and I’m not fighting it. Tuesday and Thursday have become mama and boy days. Other than laundry and other domestic chores, I leave those days free to spend with my baby boy and subsequently am way more present when the older two get home as well.
It’s made me more peaceful. I’ve enjoyed fall so much more as I see it unfold through the uninterrupted eyes of a preschooler. Best of all, I know that when he’s off to full day school like his older siblings, I won’t worry for a second that I didn’t make the most of our time together. That is worth every single not checked off “to-do” that I’ll accumulate.
So, today I’ll write and study birth physiology and pain management. I’ll clean and make calls and shoot off emails. But tomorrow, glorious tomorrow, there will be snuggling and The Hub and a few games of Wii. Also, did I mention snuggling? There will be snuggling. Because, it seems I’ve figured out my number one job is mom and I’ve really come into my professional own.
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