“Until you’ve gone through it, you can’t realize that when your parent dies, part of you goes away.” Dr. Louis Voigt.
Reflecting on the weekend, I realized this fortune is very one sided. Of course, my kids are nothing if not indulged by their Ritz Aunts and Uncles. There are plenty of my siblings and my kids not only see them as often as I can make happen, but they also have phone calls and cards and sometimes Skype conversations to keep them connected. My kids love my siblings, each one for unique reasons. But my children’s and my link to the history of the Ritz and Baker clans ends abruptly with my generation.
My father died when I was four. My mother was from California. Due to death and geography, my connections to the extended relatives of each of my parents growing up were sparse. My mother died when I was thirty. It seemed I was just old enough to start appreciating the lineage and history that older generations provide. When she died, we seemingly lost even the little connection we had left and now that I have kids to pass legacy on to, I am really feeling the void.
Thank goodness for Facebook as it has revived at least a cyber relationship to cousins on either side. But that renewed connection just makes the ache for real life contact even stronger. I see pictures of the kids fishing in Alaska and I want my kids to join them. I hear stories of California outings or holiday photos and I want my family to be part of them. I get emails with diet encouragement from places like Minnesota and I want to celebrate our weight loss in person. I know there are cousins with small kids just a few hours away and yet we barely know each other.
Mostly, what I would love is to find out where I came from. I want to know my dad. I want to know my mom before she was my mom. I want my kids to know that their history extends far beyond Silver Spring, MD to places like The Mission District and West Hazleton High. I think my dad was a pretty great guy. I’d like someone to confirm (or deny) that. I am certain my mom had a whole lot of stories to share from before we were born. I am lucky that I got a few out of her, but I know my Aunt Jan has more. I have seen first hand that the extended clan of cousins on both sides is fun and kind and eerily familiar looking. I want more time with all of them. I want my kids to know them.
I want to hop in an RV and head to Alaska, by way of Delaware and Pennsylvania and Minnesota and Arizona and California. I want to laugh-in person with Tracey and ‘Nell over our diets. I want my kids to meet their kids and now their grand kids. I want to listen to live music with Helen and have Faith meet Ava with whom I am sure she shares a kindred spirit. I want Faith to meet Ava’s mom-to see if she has a crush on her just like I did when I was young. I want Roxie to teach my kids all the things I never can because my knowledge of wildlife ends at jellyfish. Then I want to take a walk with her and laugh about the madness of raising kids. I remember wishing I could be her friend when we were young in a barn in Minnesota. As a grownup, I still wish I could be her friend in Wasilla.
I want Jan and Jack to tell us about my grandparents. Jan is a historian by nature. I am dying for her to share what she knows. Then, I want to share with them about my mom on the East Coast. I want to show my children the beautiful tapestry of their ancestry that is out in the world. I want them (and me) to hear the stories and meet the people that make up our family. When your parents die, you lose a part of yourself. I desperately want to get the part back that I can pass on to my kids. I don’t want my parents’ portion of Ritz and Baker to end with me.
We are called The Traveling Circus. Maybe now is the time for us to take our show on the road.
This post was inspired by the book, If You Knew Suzy by Katherine Rosman. You can read this and other fantastic posts inspired by Ms. Rosman’s work on From Left to Write a website for lovers of literature. I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher for review.
Dr. Louis Voigt from Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital in NYC is featured in Ms. Rosman’s story. He is the kind of doctor you want on your team.
Now I know where you got your blog name from! 😉
And welcome to TMC!!! Glad you joined us!
I love living in the Silver Spring, MD but I miss being near my family. I have a huge extended family and we used to get together every Sunday (while DH's family isn't as close). I feel bad that my kids will miss out on the plethora of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Thank goodness for Skype so they can see and talk to my parents weekly.
Cristie,
What a wonderful article. When I read your posts I am so proud to share the Ritz background. Keep posting these articles because you confirm what many people are thinking but do not take time to express.
Cousin Jackie
So with you on this one. And Rox I do like the outdoors just not sleeping in it. A cabin in the woods with indoor plumbing works for me:)
Beautiful! I didn't grow up connected to a lot of our extended family, but in the past few years, I've gotten to know a lot of them and enjoy spending time with them. My girls are naturally interested in our family history a lot more than I am, and I'm so pleased that they enjoy spending time with family.
You chose the line from the book that I was going to use to inspire my post but I went the complete opposite once my fingers started typing. I love this post. My question to you is this, how do you go about digging deeper, to find what it is you are looking for? My father passed a few months before my birth and my mother and I don't even speak. When I ask questions, it's like she doesn't even hear me, she changes the subject. Sometimes I think I would have been better off as an orphan?
Go on the road – that sounds like so much fun! My mom is really into the geneology of the family and she has had a ball unraveling the mysteries and hearing the stories. And recording them. You can do a great service to your kids (and yourself and countless others in your family) by exploring your roots. Have fun!
That's great that you want to revive those relationships with family. My mother's sister died from cancer last week and it's sad that it takes a funeral to get us all together. I looked around and saw family that I hadn't seen in years. I had the same idea, and yes, facebook has helped me keep in touch with family also. It's great sharing pictures and being able to be in eachother life some how, but nothing like a visit in person! Happy traveling.
Cristie (my cousin, MY FRIEND) – you & your circus can come visit ANYTIME! No reservations required! Bring that sister Julie with you cause I need to teach her to love the "outdoors" – birdwatching and all. PS – going to MN August 2nd – 16th in case you feel like traveling during those dates.