Today My Heart's in San Francisco, Where She Spent Her Last Happy Days
No advice this post. I’m not feeling terribly inspirational.
My mother died six years ago today. I don’t usually get melancholy on this day-too obvious. But for some reason, this entire month of May has kicked my butt. I’ve been homesick even though I moved away two years ago. I’ve been aching for a mother who has been gone longer than two of my children have been alive. I have been missing…all of it, in a whole new way.
Maybe we’ve turned some kind of corner in our lives that makes it all more real. Maybe the less I’m needed the more time I have to reflect on all that’s gone. Maybe, I’m just finally coming out of the haze of change and it’s the settling into normal that makes me lose my mind.
I work very well in crisis. I’m the one you want in your corner when things go crazy.
It’s peace I seem to be struggling with.
So for today, I’ll summon up the words to one of mom’s favorites. And just do as Mr. Nat King Cole tells me.
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
Sending you happy thoughts — cause you do have a pretty smile :).
I clearly remember 6 years ago today. My husband and I were in Spain when we received the news of Toni’s death. We’d been in the D.C. area visiting Donna before leaving for Spain. I remember well Donna’s call to us. Our itinerary called for us to be at the shrine of Santiago de Compostela within a few days. I hoped to join the pilgrims on foot on the “Camino de Compostela” for the last mile or so. Sadly, the weather did not cooperate. It rained buckets the last few miles, however on arrival there, I found that our hotel was across the plaza from the great cathedral. Shortly after our arrival I attended Mass, remembering so much of my lifelong friendship with Toni. We were classmates from first grade through high school, just across the street from the historic Mission Dolores pictured above.
About a month before her death, Toni made the supreme effort and came back to San Francisco for our annual alumnae Mass and lunch. It was clear that she was a very sick person. Little did I realize that within a few weeks she would be gone.
God bless you, Toni. I miss you.
Clare