The events surrounding the birth of my first baby were chaotic at best. She came into this world fast and furious which meant a pretty frightening loss of blood upon delivery. Being new parents, The Husband and I weren’t really sure how things were supposed to go, so we paid no mind to my lethargy and grey complexion, figuring they were just part of the deal.
As her birth was “relatively uncomplicated” (not my words) and took place in a very busy hospital full of far more seriously complicated births, I was left to my own devices for much of the first 24 hours after delivery. Looking back, I could probably have sued, or at least raised a stink, over the poor care I received. But in that moment, I just laid in my bed doing the only thing I remembered being told to do-nursing my newborn. It was fortunate that the hospital staff was busy, because it meant my daughter and I had plenty of time for skin to skin as no one was there to take care of either one of us. After the placenta was delivered and she was given a cursory once over we were left alone to wait for a while to learn our next steps, and we did so together.
I have had three children, so I am aware of the rush of love hormones that can happen after you deliver a child. With my second child, I felt them like a wave that takes you out at the knees. There was no way I was letting that sweet boy out of my site-perhaps ever. It was an ache in my heart I’d never known and to this day can’t describe to anyone who has never experienced it. With my daughter, I was one of the unlucky ones who didn’t.
Perhaps it was the loss of blood and ensuing exhaustion. Perhaps the post-partum depression started immediately. I’m not sure what the cause, but I do know I did not feel that rush of love for my girl. In fact, I felt nothing. But, I did what I was told and put that child to my breast as soon and as often as I could in those first few hours. I went into robotic mode and just kept holding her to me as if that was the only thing I knew. Probably because it was.
And you know what? She was a natural. That tiny thing opened wide and went to town as if she had taken the Breastfeeding Classes right along with me. She sucked for what felt like forever and amidst the chaos and uncertainty of that day, her nursing was the life-line that kept me hanging on. Our physical bonding made up for some of the darkness that took over me that day and would last the next nine months. I’m forever grateful for that closeness because I’m not sure what would have happened without it. Our nursing story wasn’t always so easy, but in those first few hours we both knew just what to do to keep eachother nourished and alive.
Breastfeeding is critical to preventing malnutrition and saving children’s lives in the developing world. According to a recent report from Save the Children, breastfeeding immediately after birth could help save 830,000 newborn babies from dying a year. The report says that if babies nurse within the first hour of being born, they stand a 22% greater chance and surviving. Surviving. I guess the argument then is that in the developing world, nursing within the first few hours of life saves lives.
I know for sure it saved mine.
I am a part of the Global Team of 200 and Social Good Moms‘ 24-Hour Blogathon spreading the word about Save the Children’s new breastfeeding report, Superfood for Babies. Sign the petition urging Secretary Kerry to help mothers around the world get more support around breastfeeding and lifesaving nutrition for their babies.
P.S. Looking for more parenting guidance and tips for self-care? Check out From Chaos to Calm a guided training to help you feel better in this tough season.
Nice post. Cristie I hope you keep writing more blogs like this one. Thank you for the article Cristie.
What a moving story! Where did you have that baby? I’m wondering why the hospital was so chaotic and unresponsive. Anyway, I live in Kenya and here, for some tribes there are cultural prohibitions against breast feeding colostrum. So, I’m so fascinated to learn how incredibly meaningful it is to make sure they get it in the first hour of life. Anyway… I really enjoyed reading your post and your spin on the issue of early breast feeding and life saving!
Thanks so much. I was in the US in a great hospital but one known for the maternity ward so it was extremely crowded and understaffed. We got pushed aside because we were “normal”. I’ve had another child in the same place and the care was completely different. It really depends on the day and time which is bad, but I recognize how lucky I am overall that we have what we have. Thanks for coming by to read.
Loved your message in this extraordinarily well-written piece. Thank you for sharing your experience with such courage. So incredibly true and such a necessary angle to discuss.
You are too kind. When someone whose writing I admire says something like that to me, I dance through the rest of my day! Thank you.
Wow I can’t believe how many other women have also suffered from PPD! I had it very bad with my first child too yet unlike you I had to quit breast feeding because I couldn’t take care of myself anymore let alone my baby. I always regret not being able to longer but am so glad I at least for the first six weeks in! Thanks for sharing!
Nicole, I supplemented almost from the beginning with her for the very same reasons. I felt a lot of guilt about that on top of everything else but have learned to let it go. I did the best I could to take care of both of us and ten years later she seems no worse for wear. I know your kids are thriving too!
Great message, Cristie! I breastfed my kids, one for almost a year and one for just over a year, and it was really difficult for me to get started. In places where clean water is hard to come by, it is a life-saving device! Love this!
Jen 🙂
Thanks Jen. I think we get so caught up in the politics of it here in the US that sometimes we forget the impact it can have globally. I know I for one will fight harder with that in mind.
Thank you for sharing your story! We never know where I help will come from in the dark hours. I’m glad your little girl was their to help!
Me too! She’s been saving me from myself ever since!
Such a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it with us. 🙂
Thanks you Tiffany.